Feeling For Another

I have seen the terms compassion and empathy used interchangeably, and while they are interrelated, I believe that they are two very different states of being.

Compassion, literally, means to suffer with, to suffer simply by witnessing suffering. One need not understand or even imagine how another feels to experience compassion. The mere act of perceiving the suffering of any other being triggers in the witness emotional, and sometimes physical, suffering. For instance, crying when we see images of animals being slaughtered, feeling a deep wound when we realize that a person we love is in so much pain they want to take their own life, or experiencing profound anger at the sight of any being experiencing physical abuse. Compassion means that we don't have to know or even wonder what any of these circumstances feel like to suffer when confronted by them, we don't have to identify with another's situation to suffer when they suffer. Compassion, it seems, is an objective state.

Empathy, on the other hand, is defined as the act of imagining or relating to another's situation, or being able to "walk in their shoes;" feeling deeply for them, and sharing their feeling. Like when your back goes out and you suddenly feel deeply for your spouse- who has complained of back pain for years- and truly understanding his or her pain with your own senses. You may have felt compassion for your spouse, hurting because someone you loved was hurting, but you couldn't really feel what he or she was feeling until you were thrust into the same situation. This makes empathy a subjective state.

I have read that empathy is "a higher plane of emotive behavior," but I have also read that "empathy precedes compassion," with each statement seeming to value one emotive state over the other. I don't believe that one is more important than the other. I believe that it is necessary to identify and understand the differences between empathy and compassion, so that we can inhabit each with greater awareness, consciousness, and intention. Most importantly, I believe in the power of mindfulness.  Our words and thoughts create our reality and affect the world around us, sometimes sending out ripples so wide we can no longer perceive them. Pondering the meaning of a word, and the common use of a word, and then using it mindfully, can bring greater potency to the relationships words help you to forge in life.

So, cultivate compassion, pause to notice the people and other beings living their lives all around you, and you will notice their suffering. Most likely, their suffering will touch you, and you will suffer with them. In suffering with another, we feel the roots of our humanity, and while they are deep, we often need reminders. We can be so terribly desensitized by the onslaught of imagery to which we are exposed on a daily basis, as we scroll screen after screen, ingesting more information than we know what to do with. Sometimes we fail to feel compassion for others because we no longer see them as real; they're just images on a screen. This age of information overload gives us greater access to information, but also makes it harder to know, and to trust, what it is we are seeing. So, maybe we can start in our own homes, on our own streets, in our own cities and towns. Look around you, see with honest eyes, and let yourself feel deeply the suffering of others. It won't swallow you whole, and it might even awaken you to parts of yourself you have forgotten. Reach out to others with your compassion- with your mind, or your heart, or your hands- and, when you can, do your best to mitigate the suffering you perceive, in yourself and in others.

And, engage empathy when it rises, let yourself feel deeply when you find yourself in someone else's situation and realize how much they have been hurting. Sometimes you will feel guilty for not having understood sooner, but know that there is much we cannot fully comprehend until circumstances are thrust upon us. Acknowledge that guilt, and then set it aside, let it go or you are contributing to your own suffering, which spreads like a virus into the world. Reach out to that person and let them know that you understand their pain. You don't have to lay yourself bare, or confess your most intimate details, to do this, I promise. The mere act of offering genuine empathy to a suffering being is enough to dramatically diminish their pain. Just saying, "I feel you, I care, I understand," just offering a warm embrace of deep, empathetic understanding, with no words shared, one where your hearts are beating together and you feel that energy moving between you, can keep another person alive to see another day. I know that you know this feeling, my friend, and it is your humanity.

There is pain and suffering in life and it's happening all around us, in every being that possesses a spark of life. How do we meet all of this pain? Compassion. Empathy. Generosity. Gratitude. The service of Love. The willingness to feel for another. There is a humbling river of joy contained within these states of being. Go ahead, stick your toe in...the water feels fine!